Drunken Hilarity
by KwBw21
Summary: Harry explains Fanfiction to his friends during a drunken get together. Warning: Swearing and Slash pairing but no graphic smex.


**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but this story.**

**I apologise for any spelling of grammar errors.**

**This was created, in part, by my husband who thinks the pairing names are really funny. Hope you enjoy lovely readers :)**

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Harry was having a little get together in his quarters in Hogwarts, all the students had left for the summer break so he had invited a few of his fellow colleagues and friends to join him in his quarters for some wine, nibbles and good conversation.

Hermione, Ron, Remus, Sirius and Draco had already arrived and were sat in the living room happily chatting with each other about work and the latest Quidditch match, Slytherin had thrashed Hufflepuff with a 260/80 win, much to Severus and Draco's delight.

Harry was regaling Remus with a tale of a spectacular explosion in the Dungeon earlier that morning when they heard a knock on the door, Harry excused himself and went to let his guests in. He opened the door to find Severus, Albus and Tom at the door.

"Hiya guys, come in. Everyone is in the living room, help yourself to wine" Harry said happily.

Albus and Tom walked in and were greeted by everyone with hugs and smiles all round. Severus chuckled to himself at the sound of several half drunk people, greeting their new drinking buddies enthusiastically before he looked at Harry and smiled fondly.

"Good Evening, Sev" Harry said before kissing Severus on the cheek.

"Good evening, love" Severus replied softly.

"Shall we? I'm parched, it has been a ridiculously long day" Severus sighed as he motioned for them to go into the living room.

Harry giggled as he closed the door "I know Sev, I was there remember. That was a fairly impressive explosion"

"Na, I've seen worse" Severus replied as he took Harry's hand in his own and they walked into the living room where Severus was greeted just as enthusiastically as Albus and Tom had been.

An hour and 7 bottles of Elvin wine later, everyone was fairly sloshed. Severus was sat in his favourite chair with Harry sat comfortably on his lap, Albus was sat next to Tom playing a game of wizard's chess badly due to their inebriated state, Ron, Hermione and Draco were sat on the floor reminiscing about their time as students and Sirius and Remus were snogging on the sofa like a couple of teenagers.

Harry and Severus were chatting quietly about something that Harry found amusing when suddenly Severus shouted "NO WAY" catching everyone's attention.

"What Sev?" Draco asked as the others started giggling at the sight of Harry laughing hysterically.

"I'll let Harry explain" Severus replied blushing beetroot red.

Harry managed to calm himself down and started to explain.

"Do you remember that woman wrote a bunch of books using us as characters?" Harry asked.

"Yea I do, she made me out to be some power hungry maniac and called me Voldemort" Tom replied with a pout.

"Aww we know you're not mean Tommy" Hermione said making Albus snort back a laugh.

"Yea and she painted me as a frightening, emotionless, child tormenter" Severus said pretending to cry.

"Well I know different don't I, Sevvie-Wevvie" Harry said to his beloved.

"Yes you do Harry-Smarry" Severus replied giving Harry an Eskimo kiss.

"AWW" Everyone else said in unison.

"Well anyway, those stories were published and they were a big hit, I mean HUGE!" Harry said "AND with that came fan fictions"

"Fanfictions?" Ron said confused.

"Yes fan fictions. Basically they are stories written by fans of the original book using the same charecters but they kind of mix it up by pairing us with different people" Harry blushed slightly.

"What do you mean paired with other people" Draco asked intrigued at the way Harry's blush was getting more and more red by the second.

"Well… urm…. There are some fanfics where I'm involved with you, there are some where I'm involved with Hermione or Ron or nearly anyone we know, to be honest" Harry explained.

"And by involved you mean…. sexually?" Hermione replied turning a wonderful shade of green.

"Yep and they are fairly graphic" Harry replied looking flushed.

Everyone looked shocked for a moment before shouting "EWWWWWWWWWW"

"You're like my brother for fuck sake" Hermione gagged.

"Not in a million years" Ron replied turning an equally wonderful shade of green.

"How intriguing" Albus said stroking his beard.

"That's sick" Tom replied looking disgusted.

"I wouldn't say no" Draco sniffed before taking a sip of wine.

"DRACO" Severus shouted before throwing a cushion at him playfully then hugging Harry close "He's mine bitch".

Draco stuck his tongue out at the potions master in reply before saying "Wait a minute why did you shout 'NO WAY' then Sev, what was that all about?"

Harry attempted to hold back a laugh but only succeeded in snorting out the wine he had just taken a glug of, through his nose.

"Well Draco, according to Harry they have names for these pairings" Severus replied.

"Really? How?" Draco asked schooching closer to Harry.

"Well they take the names of the lovers and make the name. For example fanfics about me and Sev are called snarry, Snape and Harry" Harry explained before adding "Which, I suppose is better than snotter" This caused everyone to burst out laughing.

"So we would be drarry" Draco said giggling.

"Correct" Harry replied "And it would seem, the writers love writing about Sev, pairing him with everyone they can think of"

"Even us?" Sirius asked pointing to himself and Remus.

"Yep, its called snack and snupin" Harry replied trying desperately to hold back a laugh at the look on his Godfather's face.

"NO WAY, you're family" Sirius shouted.

"My point exactly" Severus replied.

"Wait a minute, wouldn't that mean if it was me and Sev it would be grape?" Hermione asked.

"It's called Snamione with you and Sev but grape is ten times funnier" Harry said giggling to himself.

"And Ron and Snape would be what? Rape?" Hermione asked.

"Yea, it would be because there is no way I would allow Sev to make sweet love to me" Ron replied looking fairly disgusted by the thought.

"Fear not Ron, you are not my type" Severus reassured "and besides I think sneasley would be a less offensive pairing name than rape"

"Are they just pairing or are there traid stories, that type of coupling is surprisingly popular in the wizarding world" Albus asked, his eyes twinkling madly.

"Yep, I've seen Tom, me and Sev , me, Ron and Hermione fanfics, Draco, Fred and George fanfics, me, Sev and Draco fanfics. There are loads.

"Again I wouldn't say no" Draco said, earning himself another cushion to the face, this time from Harry.

"Don't take this the wrong way but me, you and Sev is a definite no, no ,no. I am perfectly happy with who I'm with" Tom said taking a sip of wine.

"I'm glad I make you happy" Albus said with a hiccup, the wine finally affecting him.

"AL" Tom cried in embarrassment "Shush please" he whispered.

"Ok big boy" Albus replied with a wink.

Everyone looked at the two men with both disgust and curiosity.

"Ok EWWWW, but whatever floats your boat" Hermione said with a smile.

"Oh he does, quite well I might add" Albus replied making Tom blush bright red before he playful smacked Albus' arm.

"Moving on" Severus said trying to move the conversation on to something less disturbing "How are you coping with the new Thestral foals, Sirius"

"Oh quite well, they are a handful bu….." Sirius said before Ron interrupted.

"I just had a thought about those pairing names and I just realised that if it was Albus, Tom and Sev with Tom using the name he was given in the original books, they would be called Dumblesnort" Ron said with a straight face.

Everyone took the information in for a moment before Severus burst out in hysterical laughter falling of the chair causing Harry to fall onto the floor with a bump. Harry didn't notice the fall due to the fact he was laughing so hard he thought he was going to pee his pants. Hermione, Ron and Draco were rolling on the floor laughing, clutching their stomachs, joined moments later by Sirius and Remus who shouted "DUMBLESNORT" making everyone laugh harder.

"Okay, I have to admit that one was funny" Tom agreed as he giggled at the sight of everyone but him and Albus, laughing themselves stupid on the floor.

Moments later, they had all managed to calm themselves down. Harry and Severus wiped tears of joy from their faces as Draco was attempting to tame his blonde hair that had become messy from rolling on the floor. They all tried desperately to hold back fits of laughter and they were doing fairly well until Albus suddenly said,

"I wouldn't say no".


End file.
